Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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