The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My balls are so social today.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
