Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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