upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
