so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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