I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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