so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
