they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
