My first STD was from a foam party
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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