I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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