i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
