the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
