If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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