It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
