Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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