This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
