he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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