He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
