We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
