First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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