we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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