Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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