I wish you could order shots online.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
