'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
