Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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