I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
