I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
