I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
