I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
