When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
