Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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