just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
