so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize