I just made out with a guy for $7.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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