I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry about my life...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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