tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
