I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
