My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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