a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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