Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
