I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
