Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
