Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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