Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I only lived at night.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
