I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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