i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize