I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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