I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
