I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
