I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
