I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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