worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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