I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
