haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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