I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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