yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
