and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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