I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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