i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize