honey bunches of taint.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
