Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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