everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
