I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
