he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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