My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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