So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
