yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
