I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
