dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
