the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
