Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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