Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
