I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
