So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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