Already got asked if we're dating
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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