had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
