My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
