I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
