Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize