U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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