I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
one might say we're banned from that church
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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