I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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