who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
