do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
