I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
id be glad to
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
