I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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