he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
