office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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