dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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