What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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