Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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