the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
