He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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