i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
