i think my mom watched the whole time
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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