love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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