im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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