In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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