She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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