I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
