My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
