using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
